When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
