IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
