dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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