I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He did a backflip because drugs
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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