I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
