I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
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