Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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