I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
