if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
