i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i barfeds in our rink
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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