btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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