I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
