FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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