Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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