I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
