so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
