i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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