Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
