i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
