Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
