omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
