mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
