you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
