I'm going to jail i love you
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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