Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
