margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
