watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
40s are totally the cure
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
