Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
