i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
