I've blown a few things in my day
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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