I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Every concussion has its silver lining
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
