So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm getting married
To pizza
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
