i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
