i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
