Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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