Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
