Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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