it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
