I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
