went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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