i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
