I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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