I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I think your dad took our porno
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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