Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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