I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
