Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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