You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
