shes about as inviting as chlamydia
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
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Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
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He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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