If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
