On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
