I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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