I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate