im drinking this country out of the recession.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
