normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
