if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
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It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
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I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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