I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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