I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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