I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
