Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
