she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
