He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
