at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
