So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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