She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i think i have two assholes
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
