he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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