He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize