Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
