So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
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The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
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Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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